I sat outside for a while today. It was a gorgeously calm, a touch cool, sunny, and perfect. But I’m left wondering this is my message that the worst is over and it will get better; or is it only the “eye” of the storm with worst behind it.
See, I’ve missed my time outside, just meditating with my mountains, music, and home. Today’s perfect day was something I needed, even if only to just become more centered with myself.
But the wind has a slight chill still, but the birds!! The little chirping birds!! There were so many of them. Not a lot, but just that perfect amount to chirp some peace and stillness into your soul. It was a perfect addition to my day.
I am always told to “be brave,” or that I am someone’s “inspiration” or “warrior”…but they don’t always see me at my weakest or when I’m having the meltdown over something or other. They don’t always see me crying with the side effects and unable to walk because of severe pain. I am blessed to have such an amazing support system behind me, and I am eternally grateful for them all; I know that without each and every one of them, I would not be as strong or as brave as I am. I know that without my amazing caregiver and husband, I would not be doing as good as I am. I have 24/7 care, I am always surrounded by those who love me, I am always told that I “will” beat this; I wish there was something I could give in return for all they have given me, but I don’t think there is anything on this Earth that is worth the value they are blessing me with.
But even still, I have to find my own ways to “cope” with all of this. My passions have always been my art and writing, so it’s been no big surprise that two of my biggest “therapies” have been through art and writing.
My blog, I honestly started this because I knew I was going to need to work things out in my head, and I knew that I could do this with writing. I also was hoping that I would touch someone and maybe cause them to take action if they found something suspicious, or to give back by making chemo/cancer bags for local chemo centers, or to find someone who goes alone to get chemo and to sit and visit with them…basically, I hoped to touch someone. To let others know that they are not alone.
The truly amazing thing is I did. I received a message on Facebook from a High School friend who has been following my journey, she said that she had noticed some swelling and pain under her left arm and because of my own story, she made the decision to make an appointment with her doctor. Her doctor sent her for a mammogram, which thankfully came back as normal; but it was my story that got her attention and caused her to take action. To say I was touched by her story would be an understatement, I felt honored that my story had actually touched someone. This is what I had hoped to do, but honestly never thought it would happen.
I still work on my artwork. I’ve been pretty focused on nightscapes and trees lately. I do my sketches, but I’ve found a love doing mixed-medias. So far I have done some with pastel and ink, pastel and acrylic, pencil and ink, and acrylic and ink. I am proud of how my art is progressing and how my trees are becoming more realistic and flow better. Like my writing, I lay my heart on the canvas…and I’m proud of how it is starting to come through.
Art, writing…and I can’t forget crosswords. Crossword puzzles have always had a way of calming me down with my anxiety. Now they are my cure for the normal day-to-day blahs. I got two big books of them from my mom that she had sent to my grandma before she passed away for her to work on to keep her mind strong. I’ve been working through one of them about 4-5 puzzles a day.
I have to say that I am blessed with all of those who are praying and supportive. I have two amazing Chemo Angels who I enjoy getting their cards and letters. All of the cards, letters, the hats, bandanas, Dr. Who stuff, my little “Princess Leia”…everything…it all means the world to me. Every day that I receive something, it brightens my day. Those cards and letters bring laughter and smiles. The hats and bandanas are always fun. And my little “Princess Leia” reminds me to stay strong and sassy during all this. And if I learned anything from my grandparents…being sassy is what it’s all about. :o)
**all Princess Sassy Pants Pictures are from the following website: https://princesssassypantsandco.com**